He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
