i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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