ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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