He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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