trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
