mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
