I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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