Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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