No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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