At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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