I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
