Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
