Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
