I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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