this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize