I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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