thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I checked into jail on foursquare
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
