Porn is love you can see.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
