We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
