FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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