oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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