I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
