How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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