Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
