I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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