Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
