I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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