dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
