So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
