farters have to be the big spoon...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
