I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
