I'm gonna have a badass scar
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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