Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
