just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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