Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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