Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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