Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
