I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
