a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
