I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
