The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
