I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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