Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
