i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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