I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
