Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
