I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
