So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
