I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
