I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you had me at cake vodka
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
