I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
