this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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