But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
