oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
