you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
