Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
