You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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