I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
