Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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