Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
