When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
