That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
