and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
