Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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