let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
