so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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