I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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