apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
