Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
