and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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