Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
