just tell him i said nine months
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
