my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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