I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
