So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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